its amazing. during these shit times of stupid people. the ones that try to have it all at the same time but go about it the wrong way and ruin everything...they made these decisions by the way. their choice. i have people coming at me from familiar places, new places and others that just are random but have suddenly started to care more. and these are people that don't even read my blogs. and know nothing of the highschool fag drama my best friend has created and the friend of mine that is mimicking my father by using the silent treatment. mom, once again we are too parallel.
i have people confiding in me about things that they claime they have never told anyone. and i say claime because (darrel and i were talking about this and about how it sucks) because of the best friend situation i'm second guessing all of my friends now. don't worry "friends" it won't last long. the few of you that know who you are and sense my distance. but it felt amazing because i have always had such an understanding with this guy. he's straight by the way and that is a plus. and we always end up coming back to eachother in a sense. when i was in spain he emailed me and was so nice and just chatty about stuff and then said, "o.k. cody first off i want you to know that i am still the same person you have always known and you will always be my friend but i have a question for you....do you have a boyfriend? i heard you did and it was the guy in spain?" awesome. he didn't give a shit. but i met him in my hometown and that is always a bit touchy. but we understand eachother and always have.
travis called me already. last night actually. which is awesome because we hardly have been speaking to eachother, not on pupose, but he got my number and told me he would call me but i wasn't expecting it the next day. i love that guy. talk about an understanding. travis and i understand eachother. thats one thing i know. no matter how much time passes in between visits we understand eachother. travis and i kind of went through what tanner and i are going through. but for some reason i don't see tanner and i ending up the way travis and i are. i think that is because travis is smarter than tanner. and allows himself to look within himself a little more so than tanner does. he understands the emphasis of friend love. and how it is imoportant. just read claires blog. he always finds time to heart to heart. i love him.
its fucking beautiful how darrel and i don't necessarily talk completly regularly but whenever we do we can talk for fucking ever. it just doesn't stop. we have had to force eachother off of the phone sometimes. i am so glad that darrel is coming down on saturday. its going to be so much fun. which leads me to......
matty. it was his b.day yesterday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTY! he called and was super wasted but i wouldn't have it any other way on his b.day. he wants me to come up tomorrow night for a big b.day exstravaganza but i cannot. it is impossible. i don't even know if i am going to be able to make it to work the rest of the week with out doin' a gas n' go! hes briliant. i love him and wish i could go though. but he might possibly come down here on saturday too. that would be spectacular.
there are even more people [for example: mandy, stella, and jeff - thankyou.] that are (without knowing it) helping me smile with my heart again lately but i must get running. other wise my lazy ass is going to start really liking being flatened by sitting down and will convince me to do nothing but that. so i must go.
"love sweet love...just a little understanding. up above....way down deep inside.
love sweet love...just a little understanding. up above....way down deep. in. side."
~ all of me
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