sickly sick and beautiful kind eyes.

so in my druken state last night there was some weirdo that decided to come with all of us back to our apartment. i really have no idea how it all went down. i just remember asking myself at one point, "what the fuck is this guy saying, and what the fuck is he doing here? how did he get here?" so i finally decide, look, you are going howm and so that there is only one person being mean to you, i am taking you myself for fear of my roomate and friends. i was basically a huge prick to him the entire time. after i dropped him off i was driving back to my place and i realized, all while a certain song was on, exactly what i was doing. i allowed him to come so i could control him and let out some frustration. something i no longer do. god bless america for the fact that i came to and realized he needed to be away from me as soon as possible. so then i start to tear up because of it and because of other obvious things. and as i am returning home wiping my eyes so my roommate and friends don't ask why i am crying...if they even would have noticed. i hear them talking about me through the door. and lets just say once again i am disappointed. i walked in and walked right past. sarah actually decided to ask if anything was wrong and i just told her nothing and went straight into my room. and called matty ;]. i love that kid. he was my saviour last night. i wish there wer more gay guys like him. hes the way a gay guy should be.

so i saw beautiful kind eyes again tonight while i was swimming. hes adorable. and i think there might be a possibility that he is gay. he started "making sure i picked up on a few things" this eve. maybe he finally realized i was and thought it to be ok. whatever. who knows. if i told anyone else and pointed him out they would wqnder why and what the hell. but like i said he has beautiful kind eyes.

i'm out.