change is good.

with all of the changes that have been going on in my life and everyone elses this spring i figured it was time to change my blog again. i like it. its generic i know but it kind of pops. i like it. changes is right. metemorphasis. i'm going through small ones as we speak. claire used to say things of this nature to me and i always believed her but i guess i just convinced myself it wouldn't happen to me. during orientation week we were paired up by number just to make sure we got around to knowing as many people as possible. (which i was trying to do all week instead of clinging to who was comfortable) well we were instructed to make a "website" of the person we were paired up with. just paper marker, and a snapshot were involved no computers... anyway, mikayla (thats who i was paired up with) asked me what was my ultimate goal in life and i said, "to be the best cody i can possibly be." not just the best i can be. the best i can be while being myself. i know that i am doing so right now. and the reason i know so is because i can feel it in my bones. i have nothing to rely on, nothing to fall back on. no reason to hide. i know that there are people here that may not like me as much as others but for once in my life i know, i recognize, that there are people here that do like me. and i don't care what people think of me.(you know what i mean) and they see that i don't care what people think of me and that i am me and they respect it. they don't waste there time with petty bullshit either. i have not spoken badly of one person here. and there are some people that don't quite deal with autism the way i do and the way i would like them to but i don't get discouraged. i help. or atleast offer help. and i have not heard one person talking shit about any body else. for the first time in my life i talk to every single one of my coworkers and can get a long with them. so far so good. but i know there is always room for jell-o. ;]

but i can feel it in my bones. this place is camp sunnyside the 2nd. its doing for me what camp sunnyside couldn't but if it weren't for camp sunnyside i wouldn't be here right now.
and the people here may or may not end up being really close friends of mine but i know, we know that we will always be something more than just friends whether we talk to eachother again or not. and i know i will always remember the people i worked with. already i know that i am going to miss my camper when he leaves. today is my day off and when i see him its hard not to take him away from my floater and just take over.

i feel like i am truly back on track. i meet all of these new people and every other one of them reminds me of someone from my past. someone that has already been in my life. i think that is to get me thinking, to help me figure things out properly. and the ones that don't remind me of someone have something that draws me to them. the way they think. the way they act. the way they laugh. and even for some, the way they fake. and trying to figure out why they fake. and trying to get them to be real. oddly enough its the only other iowan.

there are so many things i want to do when i get back. already i am thinking about things. but i musn't let myself fall back into the course i was taking before...the path i was not leading earlier this year.

i must go. i need to get back so i can go to the pool and work on my white sleeveless sweater. i mean my torso tan (or lack there of).

i love you ~ cody tyler