traveled round the world.....looking for a home. i found myself in crowded rooms....feeling... so alone.

its true.

last night claire told me about this gaven degraw song that she said reminded her of me/us. its a really sweet song. and the weird thing is its the song i used to just sit and cry to when i was at camp. i would walk to the dining hall and around the corner and write and listen and cry. its called belief. at the time i was looking for someone or something to back up my belief. in the so genuine, intensly respectful, loving way that the song speaks of. claire does that. she also told me that she didn't think her heart could have grown any fonder with distance but it did. then she told me to get the fuck out of her house.

just kidding.

actually i said to her, "o.k. then i guess this is the perfect time to tell you that i hate your gutts!"

just kidding.

no i actually said it but i was just kidding. don't worry i thanked her. we understand eachother.

right now i am sad. for a few reasons. nothing i really need to talk about but i just wanted to say it outloud cuz i was having troubles admitting it myself.

a girl i went out with last night with claire said something along the lines of her being to young to say its too late now. i agree with her. but at the same time that statement scares me. i don't generally ever feel that way. i look at things as if they are supposed to happen they will. i hope for otherwise sometimes. but i have had many rejections and hardships and i am not broken. maybe a little scarred, but never broken. and i won't be. i have my mom to look up to in that department. she has had it rough and that girl can smile and laugh better than anyone i know. (especially when its just the two of us) and finally after 48 years she is in love. financially she is o.k. not rich but good enough. shes a living breathing true survivor. wheres her song, wheres her lifetime achievment award? i think i'll get her one. ;]

well, i suppose i should get my happy ass back home, i'm starving. i need to clean the room i'm staying in really bad too. its a wreck.

still not being a drunk.

much love ~ cody tyler