eeeew....

i thought it had passed. i thought i had cleansed this hole that you created. but last night dirt slowly moved in and by morning had put out the welcome mat. making me feel guilty. why am i feeling guilty. i saw digital memories i had not remembered and my gut that was so full from brunch had never felt so empty. she jokingly said "maybe he died." and i felt bad cuz for a split second i said to myself, "well atleast this would all make sense." cuz nothing in my world has ever made less sense than this week. i had rid myself of this, why is it back? this is gross. this is not me. this is a creation of this week and my excitement for claire to come (so i could have an 'old familiar') being erased from my emotional being because of reasons beyond her control - she can no longer make it. so its not all you. and that makes me feel a little better. i just want an explination. an excuse. whether its honest or just some phony vomit of a reason why. . .

im done.

there's cody's honesty. there's cody's vulnerability. and here's cody being pissed at you, and pissed at himself for letting this feeling and this vulnerability and honesty (due to situation) exist.
.
.
.
and this shall be the last i write of this.