picked all my weeds but kept the flowers...

i noticed last night while texting a new friend that there are still these thoughts that i have been keeping. weeds. i'd like to say i don't know where i learned this but i know exactly where. it was a collective of my last year in iowa (i have written posts about it) and the mormon and then of course josh and tooth, and not being able to take care of those weeds cuz of tooth's refusal to talk, and then l.roomie failing to be there for me cuz she had her own unhealthy relations. not that i didn't try, i tried. i tried finding places to feel comfortable and accepted bringing it up but it was ill received or even completely over looked even after being asked without me bringing it up, so i stopped. darrel even said to me over the phone that he knew i wasn't talking enough. i was masking feelings. its sick. its a sickening way to be. i never wanted to be one of those people. i grew up with one, and especially after tooth i don't want to be like them and have the possibility of treating people the way they have treated people. i will be the me that deals with situations. the one that is too vocal about his feelings. well i guess maybe little more balanced out. there is one big thing that i am learning over this past year and that is how to achieve balance. god bless america. its about fuckin time!

like all the other weeds i have picked i will pick this weed as well.


love ~ c.