i think....

i think what i am realizing is that despite the bullshit, the one-sidedness, and how much you took me for granted and i knew it, i was madly in love with you.

i think this realization is whats helping me get rid of the whole experience, well not get rid of but relocate it to the back of my brain instead of the middle where its been lingering for months.

i think i know i am scared. scared for it all to happen again. scared for me to do that again. scared for me to allow someone else in since it won't be you cuz for some unknown and very intense reason i wanted it to be you and always had.

i think since i always wanted it to be you is why i let things happen the way they did. and since i let things happen the way they did its been bitch to try to not beat myself up over it and become a version of you. the shut off, bitter, never speak to people again, eliminate them from my life type.

i think. no i know, i do not want to be like you. never. ever.

i think my blind gay midget coming tomorrow is going to do me a world of good.

i think he has no idea what he's gotten himself into. :)

i think he will benefit from this trip as well.

i think i forgot how good it feels to have someone around that actually loves all of me and not just parts of me.

i think its hilarious that cher's believe is playing right now.

i think i hold onto things for too long. clearly.

i think i am a good person regardless.

i think i am worthy of a lot. and will give a lot.

i think i'm a ridiculous, funny, weird, annoying, caring, compassionate, creative, dumb, smart, asshole, selfish, giving, thoughtful, open minded, very accepting person. among some other things.

i think i'm kinda lame for writing this but also know i don't care cuz it feels good.

i think i'm done.

love ~ me