my friend once said to me, like two days ago, that she envied my strength. i'm not sure it is strength as much as it is just not wanting to hurt anymore, not wanting to let someone i love walk all over me like that anymore. i just know how i deserve to be treated. if you call that strength than right on. go me! i guess. and like i told her the third party won't notice anyway. so maybe it is strength. either way its kind of becoming second nature to me. the frequency of these events has forced it that way. i love you grrl. thanks for noticing and commenting.
so last night was an unexpected beautiful evening. my heart smiled many times. i was hanging out with my roommate, but not really cuz the other half of mac and cheese was there so... and some friends through her. but it was those people that made my night extrodinary. in a very unextrodinary place. just regular real people. at a dive bar on the east side where people from my home town would hang out(and do, i spotted one there last time) and would definately fit in perfectly. but those people did not matter. it was the people i was with. mainly 2-3 exceptional straight males and 2 straight girls. it was the most accepting evening i have had in a long time. all around, not just from one end or the other. it didn't start out that way. but thanks to them it got to the point where i sat back at some time and realized i was having an excellent time. with brand new people. none of us had any obligations to eachother or anything but we invited eachothers attention and appreciated it in true human form. i hung out with human beings last night. no shade, no malice, no negativity. including myself. acceptance, realization, and forward momentum are all beautiful things.
tonight i have an art show i am going to directly after work. and i am actually excited about it. i'm enjoying hanging out with people who are not close freinds of mine. they are friends of mine but we aren't extremely close so there are no preconceived anythings on either end and no dissapointment. it should be fun. especially since i am going right after work. and there are dollar sumpin's so the drink will be slightly on. and then on saturday matty, darrel, eric, and maybe meghan if i can convince her that money is not that important. i'm really excited about tomorrow night. we'll have a great time. shit that reminds me i need to clean my house.
i start a new postion a week from monday. i'm anticipating it a great deal. the hours are more appealing to me and i get a company vehicle so i do not have to drive my own car. on top of that i went to a large group staff meeting yesterday and everyone was like, "so you are cody... wow we've heard so many great things about you. thats wonderful that you are doing this position for our consumers." everyone. and my head supervisor made a point to introduce me to everyone. i felt weird. especially since i was hung over. i didn't look that hungover but i was afraid that i did. anyway.
i need to shower cuz i need to get things in order for work and for tonight so... god bless last night. i needed it. i deserved it. white light around this weekend too...
love and a lil' sumpin' sumpin' from me.
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