wow, des moines public library sucks! and their computers are worse.

so i am sitting in this god forsaken north side library in des moines iowa wondering what the hell happened. i have had to hit refresh about 20 times just to get to this page of my blog. and i am only aloud 1 hour on the computer. i understand one hour at a time....but here it is one hour per day! no more. wow. and there computers take up most of that hour by me hitting refresh or just simply waiting for the screen to change.

so anyway, i've contacted a couple people in north carolina about jobs. i think what i'm going to end up possibly doing is staying with claire's sister, (side note: the older lady that works here is a bitch too by the way, she so short with everyone like we all pissed on her eggs and bacon this morning...god, if you hate your job get a new one!) anyway... i'm going to possibly stay with claire's sister in fuquay varina and help out with the kids while i get a job and find a place. i just need to find out if i'm staying here in iowa to make some cash or if i should just hit the road. cuz i have some cash but i'd like to start out in n.c. with more.

its funny how much shit goes on here. well maybe i should say how much shit goes on but gets exaggerated here . everybody has drama with everybody. or atleast in their voices, everyone has the drama lurking behind their voice. i'm really trying to stay out of it. i hang out with my claire when she isn't so busy, and tanner and i hang out which is kewl cuz things are going really well. obviously i'm not about to trust hium with my life yet and we aren't back to what we were but i do give him credit for apologizing a couple times since i've been back. it shows hes not entirely fridgid....just kidding, tanner. ;] no but tanner and i did have an excellent time on sunday, we walked around down town, then had a couple drinks at his place and decided to go to this really chill, not busy at all bar, where this one guy but us both drinks. (that was after tanner was off talking to someone else and i was in line for the bathroom... i over heard these words out of random guys mouth: that blonde guy is absolutely beautful. his boyfriends reallycute too!(to an accuintance of mine) the accuintance probably followed with the usual follow up from people in des moines,(read with a slight lithsp;]) "yeah, the blonde totaly knows it, he's conceited as all hell!" i'm not sure what the follow up would be about tanner, i have been out of the loop for a while;] and tanner and i aren't together but that was corrected either. then we meet this other guy and tanner bails to go talk on the phone to his boyfriend while this 35 year old tries to tell me i have no idea who i am, i have no concept of reality, and that i am completely insecure, and then asks me what is the most tradgic thing that has ever happened to me in my life, probably expecting me to say something along the lines of, 'just last week, daddy took the credit card and stopped paying the rent.' but instead i just flat out told him, knowing that he was going to take it somewhere else no matter what, i told him that i have been abused in moer ways than need be talked about and burried 3 people my age all in one year about four years ago one that i had just told i was in love with and i have been a drug addict twice in my life and then said but thats not tradgic sir that just helped make me who i am in a rather creative way, and i am just fine. then he says well, i watched my best friend fall out of my window and land on the pavement and die. "alright, i'm not competeing with you as to who has the more depressing sob story."

random guy: you're right its not a competietion. but i still won.
me: alright i'm leaving. my friend is waitng for me.

and ooooooohohohohhoo, was i pissed. i almost hit him before i left. i think more so because he was 35 and behaving this way instead of just the fact that he was behaving this way. so i went and chased my friends dog all over valley junction, because one of their friends fed the dog a bunch of shots. he finally made it home and so did i only to find out in the morning that the dog ate like a 1/4 pound of weed and was having seizures and shit. but all in all, thanks to tanner i did have fun sunday night. and the dog is o.k.

once again, welcome back cody.

tonight i am hanging out with sarah d. so that should be a good time.

i love you all whoever you are that may read this thing...still....again...or even for this one time.

love ~ co. d.