so here i was having a fantastic weekend, its darrels b.day and a couple things made me sour for literally 15 minutes. i got it out of my system and i went on. and i still had a fantastic weekend. except for the hangover i had yesterday from both the alcohol and the other. cuz it was not the time nor the place. and i'm dealing and figuring it out on my own cuz there really isn't any reason to bring any other people into it. and there really isn't anyone to bring into it. except i kind of forced michael into that night / morning for little bit but he said it was ok. i adore him. but then i remember "freedom comes wehen you learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no." and its true. it doesn't have to be completely literal but it works in most situations. its all about timing. ooops, i quoted madonna again....i'm not supposed to do that anymore!
another thing i've been trying to correct but i guess i haven't been doing very well uis my negativity. i'm sure whoever reads this can remember me mentioning how i'm trying to correct it. i don't know. i like to think that with the crazy things that have gone on, no they aren't the end of the world but they aren't too positive in any way, i've done a damn good job. especially for some of the bigger things, for instance those that involve lots and lots of money, no car, and still more jail time. but i just shouldn't talk about those. i have never once said that i hate my life...ok thats not true, i often say the phrase but i never thought anyone took me seriously. especially if i am down and out and i say it i usually say tht i don't actually hate my life right after. i must not say that part loud enough. i don't know i guess its just been really diffferent for me and its taking some getting used to now that i see everything clearly, and i feel everything properly. i cleared the fog in my mind only to find some fog left over in my life and i'm trying to fan that shit away too. forgive me if i'm not the most cheery person at every moment while doing so. don't get me wrong, i've been the first to admit that i have been negative but i think i desreve a little slack and if no one else thinks so oh well cuz i'm going to give myself slack. i've worked really hard to get to where i am, and i am the only person who will ever know exactly how hard its been, its not far but its also a place i never thought i would be and i'm not going to fuck it up now!
i still love every last bit of every last one of you (you know who you are)
love ~ cody tyler
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