Here I go again on my own....

so i'm doing it once again... i'm avoiding all responsibility at all costs. its pretty bad this time. i feel this odd anxiety whenever i am at my house and everytime its begging me to leave that room. i'm doing the work thing again too. last year at this time i just stopped going. yesterday i just didn't go. didn't call or anything. just didn't exist to them for one day. today my boss calls to ask me if i could come in a little early cuz hes taking one of the boys out of school early. doesn't mention my no call no show just wants to know if i can come in early if i'm not busy. sure i'm not busy. i mean i leave on saturday and i am not nearly finished with everything but i'll come in and work for 10 hours instead of 8. just so i do not have to be in that room. even though i would rather just wander the streets for 10 hours then go to work.

jose. i met a jose. i've never known a jose before. hes short and so smiley. hes funny. hes nice. and then theres ben. sleezy ben. but ben is really nice. he can't help being a little sleezy. i always do this too. i meet loads of new people right before i move.

at this time next week i will be doing training in my north carolina home. i cannot wait. i wish i could just snap my fingers and everything would be done and i would be standing at the beginning of the long winding driveway where i could stroll in to the heart of camp and drop my things and look around and just say thank you. thank you. camp royall oh how i've missed you...and me.

i me roderics family and friends from new york the other night. they were really nice. one of his friends was hot and wanted melissa. even though shes gay. he came up and asked if he had any chance and i said no. then he said, "i like my girls to be a little boyish." to which i responded, "i can be a boyish girl for you!" half joking half not cuz he was hot! all bearded sexy...i luvit. no but his friends and family were great.

i need to go cuz this computer is about to shut off on me and i need to get to work....i guess. eeew.

peace. i'm out.
love ~ c.t.