the urge to be around guys and rescue my inner guy to reclaime him as my own is overtaking me. and no, you pervs, i don't mean it sexually. i miss real boys. it all started cuz i was reminded of boyhood when i watched dukes of hazard and found myself jealous by their crazy f.ed up ways. just being dumb but not being stupid hetero males. it very much reminded me of my childhood best friend and myself and all the crazy shit we got ourselves into. and the summers spent with my cousins who would visit from north carolina which encouraged my mischevious young mind, them being not as well mannored as my brother and myself. speaking of this i bring you to the fact that the entire buliding i live in is rented out by college males. i look at this as a great opportunity as we all have introduced ourselves and had many pleasent encounters. even though the guys from across the hall dropped a couch on my friends car, smashing his windshield, they still came over to tell us and wrote him a check to pay for it. something i'm not sure i could even do. this all sparks up feelings of community and those childhood longings of acceptance fire back up. and as i am thoroughly enjoying this as it all unfolds i also notice that most of them are the perfect pretty boys that society has come to breed. and as pretty as they may be i wonder where the guys are. and yes some of them shave their legs which i spoke of so passionately back in april. i know it sounds nothing short of absurd because i myself am labled as a pretty boy sometimes, or as gay guys like to spell it, "boi" which i always correct, leaving them wondering why i think they can't spell. but i'm getting this sense of panic as i watch all real boys (that still have all of their teeth and don't sport confederate flags) slowly fade from my everyday society. but its just the price i pay for living in a pretty- mommy and daddy's money- mostly white bred college town. and ultimately i do enjoy it.
but yes, it goes without saying, of course i am attracted to some. but really only to one. and in a very childish oddly deep lusty way. even more bazaar - he shaves his legs. i know, i know no comments please. but as i would thoroughly enjoy humping him, other than the fact he is very nice i'm pretty sure it is only cause he is one of the less "pretty." except for his legs..... eek. help. i'm so confused. ;] not really, but he looks like he has the most scars on his knees and elbows of all the others, the one that will go out of the house without putting together the perfect "i'm just lounging around hung over" ensemble.
on somewhat of a different note i've also felt myself longing for someone who is more outdoors instead of clubindoors. it stems from north carolina and the people i have met there. and how i have yet to meet people who don't describe themselves as outdoorsy or claime to love the mountains. being outside all of the time is something thats always been appealing to me and something i truly enjoy. especially in beautiful places like n.c. that is why i want to hang out with my friends rosa and frank more because they actually do things outside of work and bars. so in my quest for continuous betterment and education i think i will throw in some more out door activities. something more than just running outside, that is a deeper connection to nature and brings more of a connectedness between it and myself.
peace out with your fur out!
love - cody tyler
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