Where do you draw the line...?

back in the day i thought i had it fuigured out. and i did on my end, but that was before i understood the idea of equal compromise in relationships. genius i know, who would have thought. but the relationships i had been in, oh about 4 years ago, i never realized til they were over that i had compromised - nearly everything. and they hadn't a thing. so for the past 4 years i have been doing the exact opposite. and very much on purpose. and very muuch being ok with it. with exception to this past year. and in the last disaster i'm about to speak of for sure.

for once i listened to my friends and decided to let things simmer a little longer than they usually do in dating situations for me. as in after 2-3 weeks the joe that i had been spending time with either likes me way too much (or just actually likes me), or chews with their mouth open, likes to pda too much (or at all) or becomes younger than their age or ... something. its always been something. like i said i thought i had this down but soon came to realize, while knowing it all along and getting bored with it, that i create things. i create a short, or long, list of things that bug me about this person and i try to find a way out. some of the ways out have been messy and some have been very mature. and some start out mature but then make it blantantly clear that all they wanted to do was fuck so "can't we atleast do that?" no. your about 2-4 years too late for that, bud.

in a recent dating disaster i willingly put myself through, well half willing cuz the other half was my friends telling me to, i became sabotaged by this very area of dating. i met this guy a month before i came back from north carolina who was cute, nice, not too flaming. all good things. we spoke on the phone over the next month which went beautifully even though i pretty much hate talking on the phone. and when i returned to iowa city we started hanging out. a lot. he had just got out of a 2 year relationship (his first) and i had just gotten out of a 4 year freedom. this didn't work for me but i talked with him about it and things were agreed and felt ok. he started showing signs of this not being ok with him and that i was meant to be a replacement for his missing boyfriend along with his age and immaturity and nieveness towards all things life involved. i tried really hard to brush it off. at first i told myself that i was probably creating it cuz all of my friends liked him and told me to just slow down mr.dump'em pants. so i kept it going even though i was very unsure. then he started getting really wasted when we were around eachother. research back to the "quietest freak out." and then every time after that he litterally became a different person every time he got drunk. this i'm not having. my toby may come out once in a blue moon and either be the life of the party or wreck it but he doesn't bring a different friend every night. so finally it got to the point where it felt like i was trying to outrun myself in a marathon i'd never ran before...yeah exactly. i started saving his voicemail messeges and his drunken text messeges incase i needed them for evidence for christ's sake! he started calling my roommate at 4am trying to "not" talk about me or just flat out bitching about me. i asked my friends..."may i please have permission to end it now!!?" and ofcourse they granted me permission cuz they picked up on these psychotic tendencies. so i tell him and he takes it pretty well and says that "yes of course" we can still be friends, "i'm not the type of person that just stops talking to a person i have been spending a lot of time with." then maybe 10 minutes later says "well maybe i should just leave." with more than a hint of anger.

"why because if we aren't dating and you'll never get to hump me we can't be friends. glad we spent 2 months getting to know eachother for 'sorry can't hump ya'- want nothing to do with ya.'" with more than hints of ease, calmness and confidence. to which he replied with some "oops i just said i wouldn't behave like this i'm dumb" response. but then i guess he couldn't do it. cuz a week after we stopped dating we are hanging out night at the gay bar of all places and he is walking around making a point to tell everyone he knows that we are dating and even told a couple people that we were boyfriends. come on now i thought we went through this? then he has the nerve to get mad at me when i tell someone that we aren't. ok, enough compromise in this situation, i'm out. and i haven't heard from him since. oh except for about a dozen creepy text messeges and through my roommate when he calls late at night. but d. finaly laid down the law at 4 am one night and he hasn't contacted either of us since. thanks d. last i knew he hated iowa city and hasn't met one nice person in the two years he has lived here and is joining the guard. yep the national guard cuz people in new orleans need him and the guard is his calling. jesus...

so now even though i know a bit of compromise is needed in a relationship, i will always trust my gut. i'll give it a little slack. but i feel in my trianing of compromising either too much or too little i'll be able to find my balance. i'll know where to draw the line.

which reminds me of another where do you draw the line that a friend of mine is going through.... i'll have to go into that later. maybe. maybe a part 2.

for now i'm out!
love ~ cody tyler

p.s. i got the t.a. postion i was wanting! i'm so excited and now i'll be working 8am - 4:30pm....real adult human hours! yea!!

p.p.s. i still have all of his messeges saved. just incase. hey you can never be too careful!