i love my job. i do. but it makes my back hurt. and sometimes, only sometimes, it zaps the creativity out of my after work life. plus i do not have enough materials for the framing of the pieces and i am to - something - to ask if i can spend a lot of money just cuz i feel bad spending asnc's money. i have a lot of money in my budget so i don't know why i am being such a pussy. either way. i still feel like i have pulled the wool over everyones eyes.
new topic.
i know i have been a broken record with the whole not wanting you to go thing but it will never make sense in my mind. its just me. i trust you. i just don't trust gay guys. and with my history i feel like by you going you are predicting our future. and that could go many different ways. like i said the other night, i'm 26 years old i've had enough of sleeping around and being cheated on and lied to. i feel i have the right to demand what i want. not demand what i want as much as demand what i will not stand for. anymore. an ex that cheated on me like it was his job that started getting cheated on as well later down the road once said to me, "sometimes you have to sacrifice certain things when you love someone." yes i agree. but honesty and fidelity. no. i've been alone for quite sometime, i can sure as hell do it again.
but you found me. when we met i never thought it would become what it has become. even though i couldn't take my eyes off the multiple pictures that hang here at work i never thought, even though i longed for it, that we would even be friends. gay lottery, indeed.
new topic.
my living situation. my roommate is moving out for the summer. she mentioned this and asked if i knew anyone who wanted to live there. i said i had no idea but have yet to ask her if i don't find someone is she going to... or is she just going to pay the rent. i want to chose or i'd rather be by myself but i don't want to say ti to her like that cuz then she will offer the idea of me paying her half. sick. i'd rather not. but i don't want to be stuck with someone i do not know, being made to feel equally as uncomfortable as i already do in my own home. maybe tim. maybe liza. maybe it would rock my face if she would just leave and pay like she said she would when she was only considering going away for the summer. now that its a sure deal she doesn't speak of it.
ok. i'm out.
enjoy your wednesday night.
love ~ me.
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