i keep having this strange dream where i get kidnapped by a very large, very beautiful white man. and when i say large we're talkin like 6'5" and muscular. not sick muscular, but perfectly built. now i know this sounds like i am leading into some creepy romance novel so first lets skip over the atractiveness cuz that is not how it starts out. at first he appears ugly cuz i sense what he is going to do to me after he nabs me from my world as i know it. he first roughs me up a bit basically just scaring me. nothing that causes to much actual harm. he forces himself inside every one of my holes never rough except for the way he is firmly holding me in postion. he uses me. and verbally abuses me to a certain extent and i feel absolutely terrified during all of this. even wondering if he will kill me when he is done with me. but then something happens and for some reason my feeelings start to change. and i notice his are as well but i also realize that he was never all that hateful during everything he made me do. and that he was actually quite loving. and then i become attracted to him cuz i look at him and see that he actually is quite attractive. and everything changes. he becomes rediculously caring and loving and protective of me. and just as quick as he made me afraid he made me want nothing more than to be with him. even after the multiple rape. i wake up feeling a spiked punch bowl of emotions. i still have the fear lingering but the safety remains as well. i feel sad for what "just happened to me" and sad that he is not real and that he is gone cause i no longer feel safe. and fear that i will never feel as protected and loved as this man made me feel. then i feel strange and my flesh perks cuz i realize that i fell in love with my own kidnapper rapist. then i feel strange cuz i have no idea what this all means. and what i should learn from such a dream that has happened 4 nights in a row now.
jee whiz....
love ~ cody tyler
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