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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I busted up my foot on Sunday. Sprained it. i can’t run. I can only walk very slow. It makes me a little crazy. And apparently hungry. This happened when I sprained my knee. I gained 9lbs in less then a week. I will not gain weight this time around. That’s just dumb.

So last night Mi ran me a bath with candles and music and baked goods. It was very sweet. He had it all waiting for me when I got home from work. I was supposed to be relaxed, and I was. Relaxed in body but not in mind. My thoughts of course went into over load. We have been to two weddings together. Met each other’s mothers. ( I happened to meet most of his family and he will be meeting my brother in two weeks) We live together and pretty much do most things together except shit and go to work. He has an interview in Raleigh tomorrow. Then leaves for Springfield for another interview and to check out the area for the weekend. And in 4 weeks I move. We finally started to speak about “whats going to happen” last night. Its all very scary for me. I just know how I get when the person I am seeing isn’t around. Thanks to all the wonderful men in my life (insert sarcasm) I am conditioned to doubt. Something I have been working on for quite some time and have made much progress. But with slip ups like josh, and most everyone else I have ever dated, females included, its very easy for me to lose faith and trust. On top of the doubts I already have. Like, has he settled? Is he actually in it for both of us or just mostly him cuz it does tend to be a lot of him. Will he ever admit that he loves to be flattered by the fact that guys are interested in him, will he actually NOT act on it.
The end for right now.
Love ~ me