i was just reminded by a friend of mine how glad i am that i'm not a woman. i go through my own time of the month that is bad enough, i'd hate to have cramps and bleed for a few days straight on top of that. damn. ladies, i have no idea, but still - i feel for you grrrls.
wow.
females.
i would like to be able to bare my own children though. but i'd probably be pissed at the end of nine months when i realized i had to go through so much pain and stretching just to bare my own child. adoption is a glorious thing.
i'd rather not bring a child of my own blood in to this world anyway. we don't need anymore of them terrorizing anybody else. too bad my dads side of the family has already been passed on even further than my generation. the blood just keeps getting filtered down until there will eventually be no more. yea! but i'm not taking any chances. unless i mate with someone of perfect blood and genes. one that is so pure and perfect it over rules all of the bad genes on my side. or atleast the crazy ones. yeah, basically the crazies.
so i found out that i possibly have a lot of money in the bank through my dad. either that or just $2oo. right now my $3'ooo idea has been cut down a bit. but its only fare. i don't want to be mean. i'm not evil. i tried, i wanted to be - really bad, most of my life really. i found out after years of trying that i only half succeeded. i was evil.......... but basically only to my liver, heart, and lungs. oh yeah and my soul and spirit!
oops.
last night my friend tanner's 17 yearold joined us at the lift. i ended up harassing him about being his age and how he shouldn't try to be any older than he is cuz one day he'll wake up and he'll be 22 going on 30 trying to still live as 22 but finding it impossible because the rest of you feels 30. "its not fun. you can't just do stuff like you used to cuz you have to think everything through so much and realize what the consequences are before you even try." yeah, put a couple martinis in front of me and we could write some books.
aparently tanner thought i was mad at him or something cuz he pulled me into another part of the bar, grabs a hold of my hands, pulls them to the sides of our hips, with his face inches from mine and tells me how he doesn't like this guy and he doesn't want to sleep with him. all while i say, "tanner, you don't need to explain this to me."
"i know but i don't really like him, and i don't want to sleep with him." he says.
"than don't, why do you feel the need to explain it to me, its not up to me, do what you gotta' do." i tell him.
"i know but are you mad?"
"why would i be mad, it has nothing to do with me, does it? you can tell me all you want that you don't like him and that you don't want to sleep with him but he's staying at your place, tanner, you will sleep with him, i'm not stupid - we're gay. its o.k."
all of this while we stared into eachothers faces, i,secretly wanting him to kiss me and him, well, i have no idea anymore. it was an intense moment between the two of us though. the kind that if it were in a movie (well, depending on who is the main lovable character- me or tanner) the audience would have been silently chanting....."kiss him damn it! kiss. why aren't they kissing" the moment was there and like so many of them before it passed.
don't get me wrong its not like i'm longing for tanner. but that scene last night in the hotel right off of the lift was kinda' hot.
he called me this morning, waking me at 7:45am to tell me he didn't sleep with the boy and to ask if everything was o.k. he loves his cody.
anyway, i'm going to go now. i can't belive i'm going to publish some of what i just wrote but, hey. i'm just me. i'm just real. especially in my blogs.
love me ~ codes
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