Forgiveness...

if you are going to call me to tell me you want to meet up and talk to me...don't do it when you know i am not going to be there. that doesn't show me anything. i forgive you though. i forgive you for it and for everything else. becasue i know that you have no idea what you are doing. because you refuse to look within yourself for it. you use words instead of feeling. if what you said on my answering machine was true you would have never left it on my answering machine because i wasn't there. you wouldn't have waited a couple days for things to "cool down." there was "cooling down" but in the form of acceptance and realization of who we are. who we were. and who we will be. but i do forgive you and it feels beautiful. weight is lifted. i will always love you. and if you ever showed me that you needed me you know i would be there. and i thankyou for showing me who you are. and i thank you for reminding me of exactly who i am. i love you as i love everyone else.

that movie has done things for me. it moved me in a way that usually happens differently. last night i was talking to claire about how i would see it again in the theater but wasn't sure if i should keep spending money on it. claire responded with beautiful honest thought as she always does with me by saying, "why not, if something moves you so much who cares about money. you would spend that or more on drinks, or on c.d.s" shes right. absolutley right. i have already invited my mother to come up and experience it with me. anyway i'm out.

love ~ cody