so my friend kara asked me if i had changed my blog since i haven't written in here for a long time. she thought i might have also because of certain people that read it. and i told her as i have told many people, if anyone that reads my blog is offended or their thoughts of me change they need to realize that this is my diary. my thoughts as they flow. so sorry 'bout'cha. obviously if i am willing to write them down for the whole world to see i would be able to say it face to face too. so i just got done reading her blog. way to go, girl! you cracked your shell and light is showing through just by that one blog. (you know which one i'm talking about) and the last thing i have to say is that i hope you see me in the comfort zone, even if i may be only standing by myself in the corner these days. and i want you to know i have felt this way since i met you. i think i understood you more than either of us realized or were comfortable with talking about. nuttin' but love fo' ya, baby!
so i painted this evening. i haven't done anything artistic for so long. almost a year actually. i think it has to do with talking to my friend stella last night and realizing that i'm just being lazy about it. about something i love. i'm pleased with what i have produced so far. its not finished though.
ahhh!!! i need to find a new place to live soon, i hate trying to find a place to live. sarah and stephanie want to get a house together but i'm not sure i want to do that....
there you go again putting thought into something that you know is not going to be around. there you go again. but thats o.k cuz, you, you're so new. you, you're new. and i never had this taste in my past. new, you're so new. and you know it too. cuz i told you. see i told you so. but you took it. you understood. and thats kewl, i guess. yeah, it is. did you hear what they said about you? did you hear what they accuse. but i'm glad you realize that its only to our amuse. the horse told me today what happened would happen. damn horse. hes never right. but i painted. i actully started three times. you me HIM. for me and mom. you know what i heard, they read together. yeah, my teeth itch too. but now i know. too bad on the other side. phone calls when they know we're not here mean nothing to me, messege or not. but when i am. somehow i knew, about you today, about them today. all of it, i knew. new. its all so new. new, its new. and i've never had this taste in my past. new. its new.
my life these days that is. i'm thankful and appreciative. nothing really matters love is all we need. everything i gave so many of them.......did not come back to me. and thats a.o.k. cuz nothing takes the past away, like the future. nothing makes the darkness just plain fucking go away....like the light.
i feel closer to the light.
love ~ cody tyler
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