hi.

Warnign: possible offensive material enclosed. the man behind the finger tips touching down to keyboard has had a long week, in an absolutely beautiful setting with people trying to tarnish the beauty all week. and he does not deal with that well. not here. not in this field.

don't fuck with me and my autism! or people with dissabilities! (claire i wish you were here cuz we could set some things straight but i'm 'bout to do it with out you.)

and as for some of you from home. some of you shouldn't wonder why i don't want to come back. and not just for the same old "its iowa, why would you excuse"

what the hell is going on in iowa? people sound crazier every day. shit is all wrong. i wish everyone could see it from the outside looking in as i am.

(this is not directed to absolutely everyone, there are a few though that should know who they are)

seriously though. i read peoples emails and blogs and shit just sounds crazy. i here stories of things going on. i really wish some of you could see it from here, see what you look like. don't get me wrong, don't try to pin the not so original lable of "me better than everyone else" cuz i'm not. i used to participate in it too. but thats why i don't want to come back. i don't want to be tempted to join in on the "behind the barn at the county fare activities." ratings g - triple x. people are being shady, and fake. sit back relax look at yourselves. theres so much more. it happens all of the time and it will happen to me again but its so damn concentrated all around me right now i just had to say it out loud, or atleast cheat and write it down in hopes some people read it. and another thing, stop writing because of the way you want to look. you might as well write "look i'm writing all weird like cuz it makes me look like i might be a weirdo" especially after you talk about how you love getting things out there and not botteling things up and all this other shit that you try to put into philisophical terms. its amazing that even in a journal, a diary, you still can't be your selves. atleast put a lable on it letting people know that some of what some of you guys write is fact - some fiction.

wow. see now i'm once again the asshole. but you know what people have labled me as so enough that it really doesn't phase me anymore. i'm really excited to see some of you when i come back for a week and when i come back "for good." but i don't want it to be ruined because of all the silly bullshit going on. in and around everything.

i'm ready for a break from here too cuz the same shit is happening. i really hate when people try to ruin beautiful experiences for campers and counselor all because they are on some damn power trip or they have forgotten what it is like to work directly with the campers everyday all day long all week. and then decide that they should talk to me like i'm a child that has no clue what he's doing. believe me i have had no clue about a lot of things but my job is not one of them. thats why you are a activity director and not a direct care counselor....because you can't handle it. here it is i'll say it, i usually am not like this even though it gets pinned on me quite frequently but yes, i am better than you, and a lot of your little friends too. cuz i don't does this work for what it makes me look like to others. or because it makes me look like a good person. i came here from iowa, no education, no imediate futre plan, because i love working with people with autism. i adore it. i adore it for its challenges, for its beauty, for what i do for these individuals, and for what they do for me without even realizing. in a lot of ways it is becasue of them (and this field) that i am still alive. i'm done before i piss too many people off.

love ~ cody

claire i wish you were here cuz you would understand.