everyone around me is falling apart and for once im not. but i also am not the savior which scares the shit out of me. people are going through shit that i've (kinda) gone through but its been so long that i'm not sure i relate anymore the way they need me too. i'm heart broken cuz i can't provide my loved ones with the wisdom i always thought i could. i've become so distant from the subject that everything i say sounds calculated and not actually negative but to them yes. i have nothing to offer these people that i care so much about because my own insecuraties have taken over my world in this situation that i don't understand their situations. i'm lost in a world i have never understood but thought i had controlled. yeah right. controlled as in i'm intersested in someone who is with another and there is a younger other who is into me but is involved with another also. i'm content and have been for years with being with only me. but i am the only one who knows that i never have actually enjoyed it. (until now) never have i ever truly been ok with being alone with no one taking me seriously. which no one does. i'm fine with this but i long for that one person to tell me differently. i long for that one person to fullfill everything that the song rescue me by madonna says. gross i know cuz i know i don't need another person to fullfill anything. but i realized that the song is true. which is a whole lot to ask for but i have recently realized it pertains to me in more ways than i had ever imagined. i accept it won't happen for a while...im too selfish. but we all can dream. i just don't know what to do with the situations around me right now. too many people are in positions that they don't know how to deal with and i hate not being able to help people. its what i have done for a living for the past 6 years for christ sake why can't i do it with my friends? i hate not being able to help in the way i feel is needed.
do you get it?
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