N I C E .

the word that sums up most everything right now. everything is nice, feels nice, seems nice. very nice. sure there are slumps of lonliness from time to time slumps of frustration or fear, some money worries and what have you but all is well. i think for the first time in a long time i am actually the living me. i am the most clear headed i have been in a long time - possibly ever... i always said i wanted to drink like a normal person by the time i was 25, i am 25 still and i now drink like a normal person. and by normal i mean not all of the time. and when i do - not in absolute excess like i have for the past decade. i stay home at night sometimes unwillingly but i am ok with it. i stay in on weekend nights - sometimes unwillingly but i am ok with it. i sleep now. wow, i sleep now. and i can go to bed at whatever time and actually fall asleep within an hour instead of staring at the ceiling for half of the night like i have my entire life. my creativity is back. i actually have done projects and have many swirling ideas in my head. most of all i am feeling a love. love for all of the people i am friends with, my family, the ones i've left in iowa and the ones that spread across the country and spill over into other countries as well. i feel an appreciation for my past and the good and bad that have lead me to this space. (incase you hadn't noticed i have had a lot of time to think and reflect.) i feel aged and i am not frieghtened by it. i feel i have things to offer and believe it, truly believe it for once in my life. i have fantasies of relationship and settling down and when i think of these private make believe scenerios i believe it can actually happen. that is brand-fuckin-new! for sure. i feel centered a bit. and i think i can actually work on balance this time around - something i so desperately have needed for ages now.

my favorite thing that has happened and that i have done here so far i think would have to be lying on our chair on my quaint little porch in the evening talking on the phone to t. thanks t.

eeew, i sound like a bad cheesy romance novilist or something. oh well.


love.

~ cody tyler