this coming from me may mean nothing to you. and i do not owe anything to you. but i am sorry. i could have warned but you wouldn't have listened. but you still would have known. and there is still so much you don't know. don't speak to him of my statements but ask of his actions. of all of them in that hallway. in that men for men place. compared to what he told you to your face. the one who lies to his closest has surely lied to his new ones. why wouldn't he if he could do so to the others. i say this with no hidden smile. no hidden satisfactions. i'm not trying to tattle, i've noone to not tell. i predicted this. not even half way through i felt bad for you. no matter what you may have done to me or what respect i've lost for you. i don't like seeing people treat people the way he did to you. with all sincerity involved, i would have directly done this. but like i have said you may not hear it, and i do not owe it to you, but i wanted you to know. the choice you have made is one i hope you stick with. cuz what i have chose with him is because i care, not out of hate or bitterness. and its these choices that the one we care about will learn from. these and these alone if we are lucky. if he is lucky. one day he'll see.
and as for you. how dissapointed. how disgusted! how embarrassed i am for have ever been associated. are you kidding me? a hallway! a fag bar! all for a pretty piece of flesh! i remember when you used to call me up and say "lets get tossed and be bitches." thats something i can't do anymore. thats something that has became you even more. you became what you make fun of. you became the janky one . you participated in their dirt and disease! i don't know which hurts more...what you did to her, him, yourslef or me. lost. lost. lost. whirling down into the bowl. when are you going to catch yourself. when are you going save yourself from you. i'm crushed at who you've become. i'm crushed at the one that can't give you what your lost soul deserves. lock your self away in a different way. stay home for more than one day. lock yourself in and hang out with you. see who you find see who is you. sooner or later you must realize. that not one of us will be here. that none of us will disguise, what we feel and think of you. what is truly you. you've broken us down without a care. one by one starting with her to me then him and then straight to the even newer one. even tonight. only two nights later, maybe only one. so scared to be alone. but seemingly doing everything in your power to be alone. lie some more. all of your relations based on lies. all of my feelings have broken and died. i don't know what to feel for you, the new you. i do not know you. but yet i know that i still do. deep down inside of you. and even though its not in the way that you will automatically think or hope it to be...i know i still have love for you. but i know i can never be around you.
(on a side note.....mike i'm trying to read yours, i started to but it demands more of my attention then i was willing to give the night i tried to read, most likely because i was under the influence of the "a. bomb!" i'll be contacting you though cuz what i have read so far i liked. thanks for trying to help get my car out of the snowy shitty puddle even if you were just over the phone.)
i may have sounded super angry but i am not... i have much love for many things this evening. i spent the eve. with my friend kara and had an excellent time....except for the part were my car got stuck but then a wonderful security person guy helped us get it out. and then without realizing it i told him i loved him. weird.... i would say something like that.
i'm out.
i love you all (no, really i do! just not in that security person way. but i do kinda' love him too after tonight. ;] ) ~ cody
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