human. misunderstanding. being.

being human is not an excuse when you have clearly been doing such an excellent job. it is our nature to mess up when the going is good. we can do all we can to try not to, which you have been, but sooner or later whether its concious or not something will happen in which you can say, "damn it ! i'm such a fuck up its all my fault!" its good to take blame, yes it is, especially if you know you did whatever you did on purpose. but when "you're human" is being said it is a way of saying take blame, admit mistake, but don't dwell. especially at the time there was no way of reversing it. be down on yourself because you have to to realize and take responsiblity. but there is one thing i have learned, even though i still do it too occassionally, and that is to not stress so much on one thing wrong. it will get you nowhere and make you feel even worse about the situation. stress on how you can prevent it next time. all while admiting wrong.

i woke up yesterday knowing that you felt this way about me and thats why i knew you wouldn't answer your phone when i called and wouldn't call me back when i left you a messege. and i saw the other last night and he told me he hadn't heard from you either. it wasn't until i read that i knew for sure but to be honest i'm kind of hurt. i feel like you have put me in a community of "those kind" of people. and you know what i mean by "those" too. and that hurts. because you missinturpreted what i meant by that. and i wasn't just talking out of my ass or giving excuses. sorry i had to run back in a couple times because my other friend was in that nasty place all by herself. but i came back out every time. even though you left before i got back out the second time. but i did come back out for you. i always have and always will. sorry for any wrong i may have done or any bad feelings i may have caused. i wasn't trying to do any of that. and as for the rest of it yes, i understood what you were doing. but i also wanted you to stay mostly because i like spending time with you and don't get to as often as i would like. but yes i am strong enough.
i love you.
love ~ co. d. tyler