so i'm in a really weird place right now. i'm really excited about my life and whats to come of it in these next few months and years but at the same time i feel very unsupported. it kinda' feels like people are walking out on me left and right. i don't blame them i guess cuz of cetain situations....i find myself feeling like i should feel guilty for wanting to do certain things that i want to do or go certain places that i want to go. and i see people tell me one thing "about themselves" but than as long as somebody else, or the right somebody else comes into the picture its a different story. i kind of want to be farely nonexistant a bit when i move. i would love to actually. even though where i am going i know lots of people but not all of them know i am moving there. and thats o.k. by me. i'm enjoying more than ever (in most situations) still being the only person left on the entire planet that doesn't have a cell phone. not that it would ring that much anyway. it would probably be more of a dissappointment than anything. ;]
but even though i kind of feel this way (my poor mother, she always has to hear about everything that goes on in my life. she probably ended up crying after i got off of the phone with her last night becasue she worries. not about my health and safety she just feels down when i feel down.) but even though there is a level of negativity in my new beginning. i still haven't let go of the me from this summer, from that experience, from the beautiful place i was in figuratively and not, from the beautiful people that surrounded me. from all of it. i relived it today actually cuz i went out to eat with my father. i haven't seen him since march and before that it was two years.
it actually wasn't that bad. he wasn't actually that crazy but i also brought my camp pictures so that we would have something more to say than nothing. but it was o.k.
the weirdest part of my life right now is the person that truned out to be the "hereo" of sorts is my father. weird. yes.
i dunno', i guess we'll see how things go. now i bet a couple of my friends who read this will probably have some questions for me about the first part of this blog. but they won't understand no matter how hard i try to explain it to them. cuz nobody realizes it while its happening. its afterward that you realize and can talk about it. which we will and everything will be fine.
wish me luck with my jobs and a place!
i love you ~ cody tyler
1 comment:
That's the funny thing about underestimating your friendships. you assume you aren't understood, supported, or admired for your ability to put yourself first. you were beautiful this summer and should get back to the place. (figuretively or literally) seriously take a look at the people around you... sometimes it's okay to outgrow friends, it happens. but take a serious look at those who would do anything for you and maybe appreciate them once in a while. I think you would be surprised at the results.
p.s. this comment is not me 'not understanding' where you are coming from. I know exactly where you are coming from. I always have.
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